How Caregiving Sneaks Up on Adult Children
by Carol Bradley Bursack, Editor-in-Chief
What Happened to My Life?
My mother had her second hip replacement surgery when my dad was already in a nursing home, the same home as my uncle. Until that time, I was taking my mother, daily, to see my dad who’d had brain surgery that had backfired, as well as my uncle who’d had a series of strokes. We were fortunate that an excellent nursing home was just blocks away from my home and near my mother’s apartment and my mother-in-law’s condo.
At the time, I was helping my mother each day with her shower and other morning routines, getting my sons to school, going back to my mother’s and taking her to the nursing home to visit, running over to my mother-in-law’s apartment to make her lunch and visit with her, going back to the nursing home to visit my dad and uncle and take my mother back home, then going to get the kids at school. My youngest son also had many health issues, so that also complicated my caregiving schedule.
After Mom’s surgery and recovery I thought things would go back to that "normal" routine. However, she didn’t recover well and continued to need more and more care. Seven days a week, seven hours a day, I ran from place to place to help all of these people.
This went on, in varying degrees, for years.
Constant Caregiving: What Happened?
My situation is not that different from that of many caregivers.
You start out caring for a parent or other loved one because they need a little help. Maybe they can’t drive anymore so you get their groceries. Or you accompany them on doctor visits. Or you help them with their recovery from surgery, expecting then to get on with your life. Only, somehow your life never quite gets back normal.
Okay, you can handle that. However, the care needs typically grow exponentially.
When Dad has a stroke, not only does Dad need more care, but now Mom needs help getting that care for Dad, and her health may become more fragile because of the stress.
You are the one in town. Your siblings check in now and then, but hey, you seem to be handling everything so well. Mom and Dad sound great when they talk to them on the phone, so just keep doing what you’re doing. So, you get a verbal pat on the back (if you are lucky) and you continue coping with the snowballing needs of your elders.
Then one day you stop to realize you haven’t seen a friend for coffee for months. You’ve skipped your physical, since there wasn’t time to fit it in. You haven’t golfed, gone for a run, or even taken a walk in the park for eons. And your spouse and kids barely recognize you.
continue reading from eldercarelink.com
For questions about live in home care for your aging loved one, please contact the caregivers at Andelcare. We provide everything from respite care for the primary caregiver to full time elder care in Seattle WA and the surrounding communities. Call us at 888-788-3051 for more information.